


A Day in the Life of the Stark-Baratheons

by Kbailey1771



Series: A Baratheon Life [3]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 03:10:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9216134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kbailey1771/pseuds/Kbailey1771
Summary: It's Sansa's Baby Shower Day, Shireen regrets letting Theon be in charge of gift-giving, and everyone else carries on as usual.





	

**February 10th, 2018**

_2:01am_ Theon: Dude

_2:02am_ Theon: Dude

_2:03am_ Theon: Dude

_2:04am_ Theon: Dude

_2:05am_ Theon: Dude

_2:06am_ Theon: Dude

_2:07am_ Theon: Dude

_2:08am_ Theon: Dude

 

_2:15am_ Jon: WHAT DO YOU WANT

_2:16am_ Jon: WHY CAN'T YOU BOTHER ROBB

_2:17am_ Jon: WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME AT 2AM

_2:18am_ Jon: SOME OF US ACTUALLY WORK FOR A LIVING

 

_2:21am_ Theon: What am I going to get Sansa and Stannis for the baby shower?

_2:22am_ Theon: Shireen left me in charge of gift giving 

_2:23am_ Theon: And Robb just got back together with Roslin tonight, Jon. That would be very rude of me to interrupt them. You should really learn some manners. 

 

_2:25am_ Jon: Oh my god

_2:26am_ Jon: You know the shower is in less than 16 hours right? What were you thinking?

 

_2:28am_ Theon: I was thinking I would have more time but I just looked at the registry and like everything good is gone. 

 

_2:29am_ Jon: Theon you had time two months ago when they announced the date for this thing

_2:30am_ Jon: Now leave me alone. I, unlike you, put thought and effort into this and don't have time to be awake right now

 

_2:31am_ Theon: See this is why you're alone in life, you never help anyone 

 

_2:35am_ Jon: I am married with a child

_2:37am_ Jon: You are an idiot

_2:38am_ Jon: Gods bless Shireen for dealing with you because no one else could 

 

* * *

 

_4:00am_ My *octopus emoji*: Hello, my eternal love, I have found the perfect gift for your father and his main lady aka baby mama aka Sansa. I'll be gone most of the day but I'll see you at the festivities tonight 

 

_4:05am_ Queen Ri: Theon, it's 4am, flattery will get you nowhere

_4:06am_ Queen Ri: And don't call Sansa that you know she'll kill you, she still hasn't forgotten the clam bake incident 

_4:07am_ Queen Ri: I also thought you took care of the gift two weeks ago? 

 

_4:10am_ My *octopus emoji*: Now is not the time to worry about such details 

 

_4:12am_ Queen Ri: You better hope it's perfect bc otherwise I'm moving in with Cella and you'll be spending the winter visiting different lakes with me to collect water samples

 

_4:15am_ My *octopus emoji*: As your boy toy????

 

_4:16am_ Queen Ri: As this weird dude who stalks me 

 

_4:17am_ My *octopus emoji*: I could live with that

_4:18am_ My *octopus emoji*: I shall see you tonight, my sea goddess

 

_4:20am_ Queen Ri: Be on time Theon

 

_4:21am_ My *octopus emoji*: Have I ever been late?????

 

_4:22am_ Queen Ri: Yes, when you showed up to our first date five days late

 

_4:24am_ My *octopus emoji*: For the last time, your 4s look like 9s and who sends hand written notes anymore??

_4:25am_ My *octopus emoji*: I love you, my sea stars and wind, I'll see you at the party tonight 

* * *

_10:00am_ RiRi: Theon didn't start looking for a gift until like 4am last night 

 

_10:01am_ Cella: No way! What were you thinking leaving him in charge of the gift for the Stark-Baratheon Baby?

_10:02am_ Cella: I can't believe they did a hyphenated last name. They're so modern. That kid is gonna have the longest boggiest name ever. 

 

_10:03am_ RiRi: Once again, it's thanks to Sansa. I honestly thought my dad was super old-school and then he was the one that they all did the two name thing, so their kid "wouldn't feel weird"

_10:04am_ RiRi: I didn't even know my dad could recognize that as a feeling

_10:05am_ RiRi: Did I tell you he makes Pho from scratch every Sunday now? Like he fell in love with it in Vietnam and learned how to make it so he could enjoy eating it

_10:06am_ RiRi: When I was little, he learned how to cook so we wouldn't starve or get fat. Now he sends me home with LEFTOVERS every Sunday. 

_10:07am_ RiRi: And it'll be fine, I already bought that crib Sansa liked. This is just the "party gift" Theon's getting. 

 

_10:09am_ Cella: Your dad is a changed man, it was also probably the divorce from your weird cult-mom, not gonna lie

_10:10am_ Cella: I think anyone would enjoy life after leaving that ball of crazy 

_10:11am_ Cella: How very devious of you to have a back-up plan. What will Theon say when he finds out?

 

_10:12am_ RiRi: My squishy will be thrilled that I'm so smart and thought of a back-up plan

 

_10:13am_ Cella: Ew, squishy? Really? Why?

 

_10:14am_ RiRi: Yeah, you know the jellyfish scene from Finding Nemo? It's Theon's favorite

_10:15am_ RiRi: And I'm sorry that we can't all be "Cella and Tris: hot and heavy and making people regret leaving their house when they see us making out on the metro"

 

_10:16am_ Cella: Well you could be, it might actually be less gross than your super in-loveness

_10:17am_ Cella: You better hope Theon manages to find something decent or when you and your jellyfish become Mr. & Mrs. Jellyfish, the parents might still be annoyed

 

_10:18am_ RiRi: At the very least Theon's gift will be entertaining, as they always are

_10:19am_ RiRi: And Dad's gotten over most of his annoyance with Theon's existence in our lives

_10:20am_ RiRi: It's your dad and Uncle Renly that are more concerning. They still think Theon is a prick 

 

_10:21am_ Cella: He spilled the whole bowl of clam chowder on them at the clam bake. Everybody was pissed. 

_10:22am_ Cella: If it was Sansa's Aunt Lysa's shitty King's Landing version maybe people would be more forgiving but instead it was the delicious Northern clam chowder that Mrs. Stark made.

_10:23am_ Cella: And then everyone had to eat that gross red spicy stuff that has no place on a proper Northern beach clam bake

 

_10:24am_ RiRi: It's not his fault that sand is unstable 

_10:25am_ RiRi: Maybe they should of watched where they were sitting 

_10:26am_ RiRi: Lol, who am I kidding, that was still hilarious, I've never seen anyone turn so red with anger and Uncle Robert was married to Cersi 

 

_10:27am_ Cella: #tbt to dealing with that crazy 

_10:28am_ Cella: And Shireen, Theon was so high, the lobsters that weren't cooked yet were getting a contact high 

 

_10:29am_ RiRi: It was still funny 

 

_10:30am_ Cella: That's beside the point even if I still laugh at the videos to this day

* * *

 

_12:00pm_ Robert: Did u get a weird call from Shireen's boyfriend last night that rambled about how we bought all the good gifts when we really should just be brining clam chowder? 

 

_12:05pm_ Renly: Yeah, he also told me that he would show us all how much better at gift giving he was 

 

_12:10pm_ Robert: Do u think he was high again?

 

_12:20pm_ Renly: Nah, I talked to your daughter, I think that was just his normal personality 

 

_12:25pm_ Robert: Man, I hate that kid 

 

_12:30pm_ Renly: Same, Loras loves him but that doesn't say much for his taste 

 

_12:35pm_ Robert: Rough patch?

 

_12:40pm_ Renly: Stannis's decision to be a stay-at-home dad and basically fulfill every one of Sansa's dreams is making Loras want to settle down and adopt a child and be a domesticated and start growing our own damn eggplants 

_12:45pm_ Renly: Neither one of us even likes that disgusting purple vegetable 

 

_12:50pm_ Robert: Yeah, attending the baby shower might not be in your best interest 

 

_12:55pm_ Renly: I'm probably going to leave engaged for that simple reason given the warpath Loras is on 

* * *

  _1:_ _00pm_ Stannis: Hello Mrs. Stark-Baratheon, when will I see you today?

 

_1:03pm_ Sansa: Hey dearest, I'm out for a day of pampering with Shireen and Cella. Would you like to meet for lunch?

 

_1:10pm_ Stannis: No, it's okay. I'm taking the goats for their check-up and I'll see you before the party. 

 

_1:15pm_ Sansa: Remember you have to smile at the party!!! I want one photo before I get too pregnant where I look glowing and radiant and not like a blowfish and I can see your lovely smile!

 

_1:20am_ Stannis: Yes yes but only 10 photos

 

_1:25pm_ Sansa: Throw in a cuddle session and hot chocolate when you get home and we've got a deal 

 

_1:30pm_ Stannis: I do believe we have a deal 

* * *

 

_2:00pm_ Robb: Have you hear from Theon at all?

_2:01pm_ Robb: Normally I get like 20 texts, 4 snap chats, and 7 memes on Instagram by now

_2:02pm_ Robb: I'm worried

 

_2:05pm_ Jon: No and thank god

_2:06pm_ Jon: It's been nothing but peace and quiet

_2:07pm_ Jon: He did text me at 2am though so maybe he is sleeping

 

_2:15pm_ Robb: lol had he not found a gift yet?

_2:16pm_ Robb: and don't be mean, Theon just needs a lot of attention, like a dog or toddler

 

_2:20pm_ Jon: No he had not found a gift yet

_2:21pm_ Jon: I hate him

_2:22pm_ Jon: Why doesn't he bother you at 2am?

_2:23pm_ Jon: Why not you who does nothing

 

_2:30pm_ Robb: hey

_2:31pm_ Robb: I run a very important blog

_2:32m_ Robb: And Roslin and I have just gotten back together, we are very fragile right now

 

_2:32pm_ Jon: You photograph Weirwood trees and  eat organic soup for a living

_2:33pm_ Jon: Don't even give me your nonsense 

_2:34pm_ Jon: Roslin going to visit her parents for three days does not constitute as you guys splitting up 

_2:35pm_ Jon: You've been together for like 10 years, you're not fragile, you have a son with her

 

_2:40pm_ Robb: See if I give you Ygritte's number now

 

_2:45pm_ Jon: I don't need her number

_2:46pm_ Jon: I am married to her

_2:47pm_ Jon: You know this, you were Best Man #1 and Theon was Best Man A bc you wanted to be Best Men together 

 

_2:50pm_ Robb: You should really be more polite, how else will you ever find a girlfriend?

 

_2:55pm_ Jon: You and Theon deserve each other 

* * *

_6:01pm_ Queen Ri: Where are you??????

 

_6:02pm_ My *octopus emoji*: Standing right behind you

_6:03pm_ My *octopus emoji*: I got the baby mama the greatest gift ever and you're going to be so proud 

_6:04pm_ My *octopus emoji*: You'll also have to agree to what I asked before and you turned down 

_6:05pm_ My *octopus emoji*: But now I'm responsible and you'll have no choice but to agree

 

_6:06pm_ Queen Ri: Are you okay? Did you get any sleep at all?

_6:07pm_ Queen Ri: I didn't think you knew what responsible meant

 

_6:08pm_ My *octopus emoji*: Of course not, I was busy

_6:09pm_ My *octopus emoji*: And I am getting my doctorate I do know somethings 

 

_6:10pm_ Queen Ri: Alright, just behave and try not to spill chowders on anyone else 

_6:11pm_ Queen Ri: Why are we texting anyways?? We are literally standing right next to each other 

 

_6:12pm_ My *octopus emoji*: Shhhhh....shouldn't you be helping the beached whale?

 

_6:13pm_ Queen Ri: You know this is why Sansa hates you 

* * *

 

_10:00pm_ Robb: Can you believe what Theon got Sansa?

_10:01pm_ Robb: We were out done by an idiot 

 

_10:05pm_ Jon: Speak for yourself, Sansa loved my gift

_10:06pm_ Jon: But, yeah. How did he think to get her that and where did he find it?

 

_10:08pm_ Robb: Shireen said he left last night and came back right before the party

_10:09pm_ Robb: I'm offended that he managed to earn the favorite gift spot 

 

_10:10pm_ Jon: I think that actually went to Rickon 

_10:11pm_ Jon: Whose pasta mosaic of Sansa and Stannis actually brought tears to people's eyes 

_10:12pm_ Jon: I'm just confused why he is 22 with a fine arts degree and he still choses pasta as his medium 

 

_10:14pm_ Robb: Rickon doesn't count of course he was going to be the favorite, he's the baby of the family 

_10:15pm_ Robb: I just don't understand why Sansa has clearly bad decision making skills 

_10:016pm_ Robb: I need to go bc Roslin promised Starbucks and Praline lattes if I stop complaining 

 

_10:17pm_ Jon: See you next week

_10:18pm_ Jon: Remember to not get that extra shot of expresso because it'll make you stay up late 

_10:19pm_ Jon: And Roslin does not need to wake up to you learning Greek in the middle of the night again

 

_10:20pm_ Robb: Thanks for the advice mom

* * *

 

_11:11pm_ Sansa: Thank you so much for the lovely and thoughtful gift Theon! it was so sweet and will go perfectly in the baby's room!

 

_11:12pm_ Theon: You're welcome sis, only the best for the best

 

_11:13pm_ Sansa: Brunch on Saturday? 

 

_11:14pm_ Theon: Yes, we've got to catch up on The Bachelor

* * *

 

_12:00am_ Sansa: Did you say yes to Theon's proposal??????

 

_12:01am_ Shireen: Yeah, we're getting a corgi.

 

_12:02am_ Sansa:  Wait.....you're not getting married?

 

_12:03am_ Shireen: I told him he needs to finish his degree first

 

_12:04am_ Sansa: Oh, so I'll start planning for it in like, 20 years

 

_12:05am_ Shireen: Exactly 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for all the support for this very random series. I meant to post this before Christmas but the holidays, applying for jobs, moving apartments, and my grandad dying all got in the way. I hope you all had a great New Year's and that it brings you health, happiness, and love.


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